In this video, Nick Kemp dives into a meaningful discussion about Naikan, a reflective practice that encourages you to widen your lens on life and see beyond pain and suffering. While writing his book Ikigai-kan, Nick faced concerns about how Naikan might be perceived, especially by readers in challenging or abusive relationships; he shares how a heartfelt exchange helped him clarify Naikan’s purpose—not as a way to excuse harmful behavior, but as a method to bring balance and healing by uncovering the full picture of one’s experiences.
See beyond the struggles
Nick: This is something that I discovered was a concern for some of the people in my community I was sharing with. So when I was writing my book, Ikigai-kan, there was some concern as to how Naikan would be perceived or received, especially for readers in challenging or abusive relationships.
And actually, I reached out to you for some advice, and you really helped me. So there are definitely a few sentences in my book that go uncredited to you, so I'm sort of letting the world know now that I sent you an email and you replied, and I pretty much copied and pasted, I think, most of it in my book.
So I should thank you for that. And actually, I'd like to quote the email you gave me. So I basically sent you an email saying something along the lines: could some people perceive Naikan? If they focus on the third question, they might actually believe they're a bad person and it might keep them in an abusive relationship or something along those lines.
And you're wrote back: Naikan isn't about being grateful for if what you have is not serving you well or sufficient. Naikan is about widening your lens on your life, so you don't only see the suffering, but you see beyond that.
Naikan is used as a therapy for people who have suffered abuse in the past and I have used it as part of the healing process. It's not to excuse the behavior of others, but shines light on the other aspects of the relationship that may be clouded from the pain experienced. It paints the full picture, which can then reduce the pain victims carry with them.
So that was gold for me for the book. So thank you.