‘The words we live with today become part of our lives tomorrow.’
The above quote are the words of Yoshimoto Ishin (1916-1988) – a Japanese businessman, Buddhist monk, and the founder of Naikan therapy.
Definition of Naikan
Naikan is a structured Japanese practice of self-reflection—nai meaning “inside” and kan meaning “looking.” Rooted in Pure Land Buddhism, it encourages gratitude and awareness of how others support us while revealing our own self-centered tendencies. Practitioners reflect on a person or time in their lives by asking themselves three key questions.
What we'll cover in this article:
The Three Naikan Questions
Naikan practice revolves around three deceptively simple questions:
- What did this person give to me?
- What did I return to this person?
- What troubles did I cause this person?
These questions are directed toward a person—often a parent, partner, friend, or colleague—and explored within a chosen timeframe. The goal is not to judge, compare, or balance a moral scale, but to see clearly. When we reflect deeply, we often realize how much we depend on others, how frequently we overlook their efforts, and how easily we focus on their shortcomings rather than our own.
This shift in perspective can be transformative. Instead of dwelling on what we lack or how others fail to meet our expectations, Naikan redirects our attention to what has quietly been given to us all along. The result is a more grounded sense of gratitude, empathy, and humility.
Two types of Naikan
There are two types of Naikan: one-week and daily. The former is done continually for a week or more at a Naikan training centre or at the home of the Naikan practitioner, where clients spend the majority of the day reflecting on their relationships in silence. Daily Naikan can be a self-managed reflective journaling practice incorporated into one’s daily routine.
Whatever the specific context, Naikan can have a dramatic effect on relationships with others, creating more harmony and life satisfaction. Put succinctly, it reminds us that life is made easier due to the care of others and that we will ultimately suffer if we focus only on ourselves.
One-week Naikan
As the name implies, one-week Naikan is far more extreme and intensive, with clients asked to recall past events and episodes involving people such as their mother, father, siblings, extended family, and so on. The name for a Naikan practitioner in Japanese is mensetsusha, which translates directly to mean ‘interviewer’; however, there is little dialogue between a practitioner and the client beyond a suggestion for the next focal subject. As Naikan is about self-reflection, what is to be learnt is personal to the client and there is little input from the menetsusha, who typically asks only one question.
Dr Chikako Ozawa-de Silva, an Associate Professor of Anthropology at Emory University, who has studied and researched Naikan for 25 years, describes the interaction between a practitioner/menetsusha and client once they have entered the setting for the practice (usually a small private space sealed off by a shoji, a portable paper screen room divider):
‘The practitioner [mensetsusha] then typically asks a formulaic question, namely, “What have you examined in relation to whom and at what time of your life?” The client responds by saying, “I have examined myself in relation to so and so between these periods,” and then proceeds to give a summary of what they recalled. Clients are not obliged to report everything and they are free not to share certain things if they feel uncomfortable. This mensetsu [interview] normally lasts 3 to 5 minutes. At the end of each mensetsu, the client states what he or she is going to examine for the next 2 hours, and the practitioner leaves and moves on to the next client.’
The first session usually starts with a focus on the client's mother. For each reflection, the client recalls life events by age periods (usually of 3 years) starting from their memories when they were as young as 4.
Clients report their reflections on the three prompts to their practitioner up to six times a day. Being away from everyday life, family, and work for a week allows participants to achieve a sustained contemplative state in which they remember long-forgotten life episodes and understand inner feelings more easily.
An example of the benefits of a one-week Naikan is revealed in the quote below, a ‘Naikan confession’ from an interviewee in Ozawa-de Silva’s book, Psychotherapy and Religion in Japan: The Japanese Introspection Practice of Naikan:
‘I always blamed my mother for being the source of my anxiety neurosis . . . After my Naikan, I realized that I always received an infinite amount of love from her. It wasn’t because of her, but rather because I only paid attention to the things she did not do and grew in anger and dissatisfaction, that as a result I built up stress by myself and became sick . . . I really feel sorry for my mother, thinking about how much worry I must have caused her these last three years. I’m filled with the emotion, wanting to apologize to her . . . Thanks to Naikan . . . I gained security, and since I am certain of the affection I’ve received now, I think I can finally live in the present.’
Daily Naikan
Daily Naikan is far less intense; it is done for a few minutes or up to a few hours as part of a person’s everyday routine, often as a reflective journaling practice. It involves sitting in a quiet place, without distraction, and listing answers to the three questions in relation to the day’s events.
Unlike one-week Naikan, daily Naikan is focused on more recent events (within the past 24 hours) and, with a slight rewording of the questions, can explore interactions with more than one person:
- What did you receive from others today?
- What did you give to others today?
- What troubles and difficulties did you cause others today?
It is important to include as many deeds as you can remember, and not to omit any because they seem trivial; rather than simply saying that someone helped you, write down all the actions taken by the person who helped you.
Gregg Krech, author, poet, and one of the leading authorities on Japanese Psychology in North America, describes Daily Naikan as a type of technology:
‘It's a very structured methodology and what I mean by that is, when I researched material for my book on Naikan, I tried to look at just the general theme of self-reflection and I found that almost every spiritual and religious tradition encourages self-reflection. But I found that in many cases there was an absence of an actual methodology of how to do this. What are the mechanics of doing this? Do you just go out in the woods or into a cabin in the woods, or to the mountains for a week or two weeks and just sit there and kind of think or reflect? Naikan has a structure to it.’
Krech explains how the structure of daily Naikan can be used as a journaling practice where you list responses to each of the three questions:
‘The first question is, “What have I received from others?” Or, if you're doing Naikan on a person, if you were doing Naikan on your wife, Nick, it would be, “What have I received from my wife?” The second question is, “What have I given?” The third question is, “What troubles and difficulties have I caused others?” It's a very simple framework which can be used, and I've worked with children as young as five years old who can easily understand those questions and work with that type of reflective process.’
There are indeed many things I receive from my wife. While I do feel there are many things I give to her, I can certainly recognise the troubles and difficulties I cause her; this would be a very long chapter if I listed them all here.
Naikan is a tool that I can use to reflect on my behaviour, giving me the opportunity to think of how I could have better handled myself or communicated with her. Naikan gives me the opportunity to act with more care, with more omoiyari, in the future.
As this example shows, Naikan is an effective tool to help us recognise what others do for us, to see that we often receive more from others than we give, and to give us the opportunity to better ourselves through recognising and admitting our flaws.
Naikan journaling affords us the opportunity to express our true self privately, which is important for self-actualizing. The three Naikan questions provide a foundation for reflecting on all relationships, including those with parents, friends, teachers, siblings, work associates, children, partners, and even strangers.
A Self-Actualisation Practice
Naikan journaling can be viewed as a form of self-actualisation. Throughout life, challenges from circumstances and relationships may lead to feelings of insufficiency or unfairness, yet Naikan is not about forcing gratitude when something is lacking or unhelpful. Instead, it widens the lens through which life is viewed, revealing not only suffering but also the support and love that often coexist with it.
Reflecting on the three Naikan questions helps highlight how relationships can serve as sources of ikigai, encouraging individuals to fulfil their roles more consciously and approach situations with greater understanding. This reflective process fosters consideration of how one wishes to contribute to others going forward, cultivating both ikigai-kan and a meaningful sense of significance through actions and interactions.
Why Naikan Matters Today
Modern life emphasizes independence, achievement, and self-interest. While these qualities can be valuable, they can also leave us disconnected from others and blind to generosity that surrounds us daily. A meal cooked by a partner, a friend who checks in, a barista who remembers your order—small gestures can fade into the background when we are swept up in routine.
Naikan helps bring those moments back into view.
By reflecting on what we’ve received, we cultivate appreciation. By noting what we’ve given, we recognize our role in relationships. By acknowledging the troubles we’ve caused, even unintentionally, we develop accountability and compassion. This balanced reflection encourages healthier relationships and a more peaceful internal world.
The Gift of Perspective
Naikan is not about guilt or obligation. It is about seeing life with clearer eyes. Many who practice it describe feeling lighter and more connected. Conflicts become easier to navigate when we recognize our part in them. Appreciation grows when we notice what others quietly contribute.
In a sense, Naikan is a reminder that we do not walk through life alone. Every day we receive support—physical, emotional, or unseen—from people around us. When we intentionally reflect on these gifts, gratitude transforms from a fleeting thought into a lived experience.
Whether enjoyed as a spiritual practice, a therapeutic tool, or a personal ritual, Naikan offers something deeply human—an invitation to slow down, to look inward, and to honor the web of relationships that shapes our lives.
In a world eager for more, Naikan gently asks us to notice what is already here.
Frequently Asked Questions About Naikan
Naikan is a Japanese self-reflection practice that encourages gratitude and deeper awareness of one’s relationships by examining how we receive, give, and impact others.
The term comes from nai (inside) and kan (looking), meaning "inner looking" or introspection.
Naikan is practiced by reflecting on three key questions related to a specific person or period of time. This can be done through journaling, meditation, or guided retreat.
Anyone seeking self-awareness, emotional balance, or improved relationships can benefit from Naikan. It is used in personal development, therapy, and spiritual practice.
No. While rooted in Pure Land Buddhism, Naikan is widely practiced in secular contexts and is accessible to people of any belief system.
By encouraging reflection on how others support us and how our actions affect them, Naikan cultivates empathy, gratitude, and accountability—strengthening interpersonal connections.
A daily Naikan session can last anywhere from a few minutes to several hours. Intensive Naikan or Naikan retreats under the guidance of a Naikan practitioner go for five days.
It has similarities, but Naikan goes further by exploring not only what we receive but also what we give and how we may cause difficulties—providing a more balanced view.
Absolutely. Many people incorporate Naikan journaling into their daily routine to maintain mindful appreciation and personal growth.